How to terrify someone, a step-by-step guide
- Walk 15 paces behind a man and his dog, at 10pm, on a residential NJ block
- Forget you’re wearing shoes that make a loud and eerily hollow sound
- Prop a red umbrella against your shoulder, not unlike a rifle
- Burst into sporadic laughter because you can’t stop thinking about how you fell down the stairs at a movie theater a few hours ago (which may be contributing to a somewhat villainous limp)
- Watch the man turn around repeatedly before he quickens his pace
- Wait 30 seconds and now — yup, he’s running
- Feel badly for the dog he’s dragging by the collar
- Laugh again, you dumb klutz
